Please find attached 2 relatively related rants:
 
Rant the First
    Hubby and I are chronic renters.  We prefer small cozy city living.  Snuggled up in tight quarters. Small spaces but with great windows that on a clear night can see all the way to Bloor St.   But to make way for progress our panoramic view is quickly depleting.  It is a sad day for open space loving small townies like us.  I liked the view from here. It's a great location... Location, location.  Real Estate has never been my forte.  It sounds really interesting at first until I realize the stories I hear about these amazing gems with nob and tube aren't in my future.  I don't want a fixer upper in the city that's been lived in by 15 different people and none of them cared.  Bleached and barnacled and tired from city living.  It's not my cup of T.o.  There is a dream though, a teeny little quiet dream.  The wish is to have a house that's been in someone's family for generations and, this is silly; it's been deemed historically significant.  Our house would be a part of the history of something bigger.  Our very very very fine house, would have 2 cats in the yard. A story to tell.  A song to sing.  Our house would have personality.  The stairs would creak and the wind might whisper on occasion but it would hold the secrets of history.  Of course, it would be a pain to maintain all the structural integrity in accordance with the local historical society bi-laws; a challenge Future Me willingly accepts.  But for now we live in a city shoe box, without a story.  And the wide screen we were watching life on is shrinking.  I guess I'll really have to go outside.




Rant the Second
   The giant hole that is my backyard is a muddy disaster.  Clay and gravel and slick squishy mud coat my pathway home.  Covering my boots and imbedding itself in my tread.  Stomping and dragging my feet the whole way.  Trying to shake off the filth.  When I do get inside the view is like an exposed root after the tooth has been ripped out.  The bottom which is almost 4 stories down is dotted with tents to protect the men working in these conditions.  Giant flood lights click on at sunset and push the crew to quitting time.  The holes have been drilled, the rebar impacted.  Cranes have been brought in to move the cranes in.  The skeleton structures floating over head.  Suspended and riveted.  They are sleeping giants.   Not quite ready for action.  But I can hear them practicing their shriek, stretching for the long job ahead.  I get why people want to live in the city.  I mean obviously I do, it's just that how many more of us does there need to be? In such tight quarters and with all this mud and dog pooh, you can't ever wear nice shoes.  Fancy city night living shoes.  Shoes you hoped to look nice in, ensemble shoes.  Been a long time since my feet were fancied up.  Also down side, there is a lot of stomping in my building.  Mud clots dot the hallway carpets.  But winter is coming.  The anticipation of frozen clay is killing me.  Though, I don't think it will be a respite.  By the time it gets cold enough to freeze everything's gross and soggy anyway.  The once dirty route now becoming treacherous. It will be a slippery layer of icing on top of the so-hard-it-hurts-to-fall when you fall on it permafrost.  (Notice I said when.  I accept I will fall.  It's slippery)  At least while I am hibernating this winter, trying to pick the pooh out of my boot tread, I can watch the cranes spin and twill and finally grow up to be elevators.  A dirty festering hole like that? The dentist would recommend a filling, at least 9 out of 10 of them would.
 
Growing up I was taught that you are only as good as your word, but it seems like the world has forgotten the value. I have been an entrepreneur since before it was fashionable. Always striving for my work to reflect who I am. My corporate motto is 'The way we wish the world to be is how we are.' Things have changed. In this dog eat dog business world I am being eaten alive.

It would never cross my mind to double cross, back stab or devalue the services of others. As an entrepreneur our economic value is directly associated with who we are. It's a tough place to be. Stuck between providing the best service possible and growing the baby business. The entrepreneur is at the mercy of those who represent our name. And people decide that the power of one- themselves- is more important than the big picture- my poor little defenseless company. I am all for the advancement of the organization. Profitability is important to all businesses. Though I would never put progress before the individual. It is my hope that being a good boss, business owner and in most cases friend I will be taken into account when the individual is making decisions. It will never cease to amaze me how selfishness can defeat even the most optimistic mandate. Delivering the entrepreneur into dicey and unpleasant situations.

My entrepreneurial endeavors may never be Fortune 500 caliber, but I would love to know that my business is represented with dignity and poise, no matter the situation. Integrity is the only value we should hold above all else. Who you are and what you do are two different things. A person will never be their job. No matter how much you may want it to be. But how you bark when the big dog comes to town does define you. Being a small dog is not shameful, but peeing on the carpet and blaming it on the cat is. So people, I ask you, what is your integrity worth. And who are you selling it to? Cuz you're never going to get the reward you hoped. As for this entrepreneur, I will keep being a medium sized dog in a big ring jumping through hoops, happily accepting my treats for a job well done. Bow wow bad dogs! Watch out for rabies. Cuz this old dog has learned a few new tricks and won't be blamed unless she did pee on the rug. Which sometimes can't be helped.
 
  My Parents have done a great job of keeping me off the pole, until now.   I was taught that the reputation is a lifetime to build and a moment to destroy.  The road to a bad reputation is a quick and slippery one.  But it can also be athletic, sweaty and a lot of fun.  

Things I learned about pole dancing

1. Wedding rings and brass rails are natural enemies

2. The pole is slippery, wide and wet

3. The pole burns with the friction of a thousand suns

4. Just when you think you're spinning too fast you get stuck

5. Whiplash can be caused by an almost kinda sexy hair toss

6. Sexy arms are way harder than they look

7. It helps your dancing to keep your high heels on

8. Doing the robot isn't sexy 

9. Either the boobs lead or the butt leads but never both

10. Leg warmers are cute and functional

11. Big steps=feet too far apart

12. Move slowly, at least then you don't have to fake as much sexy time

13. Watch your high kicks

13a. Watch where you're aiming those not so high kicks- they reach your classmate no prob

14. Poise-ture: it's an attitude thing

15. A smile distracts the watcher, even if you're wrapped around the pole like an origami snake

16. Furrowed brows aren't hot

17. I was tempted to have a Flashdance style ending to class- but the bucket of water is tough to rig and slippery to continue dancing

18. Public groping, short shorts and gyrating are encouraged but not automatic

19. Climbing the brass rail is new recruit hazing

20. Striptease class isn't about sex, it's about confidence

21. Bruises are expected and celebrated by these tough tight ladies

22. Six inches are starter heels

23.  My body is sore and I love it. 
   

   I may not be ready for a 3 song night shift, but with a little practice I'll look forward to relinquishing the crown of  world's worst dancer.  And for that, I know my Momma will be proud, cuz we have the same dancing shoes.
 
   Okay, okay, that's a made up word. But it has an implied meaning; so even though you've never heard it before you understand it.  Which is a strange way to think of language but it's a great way to think about communication.  Aww, you know what I mean. How many times a day do you hear someone say that? And you do know what they mean, somehow your brain makes the call.  Having collected all the crucial communication information. The speaker, the topic and the time. These factors clean up sloppy lines of communication.  So, let the conversation satisfication begin.

   While spending some much needed time kissing tha'Babe, I couldn't help but see how little talking was required for me to understand exactly what she meant.  Most of the time it was just small talk, but I would think that's even harder for an 8 month old.  As we grow up we forget how to communicate on the basic human level. Please don't take this to mean we should start crying, throwing things and screaming to get our points across-though for some of us it's too late.  Instead consider that a wink and smile can go a long way in all languages.

  With instant communication at our fingertips. We are infinitely connected and all within arms reach. These little devices being constantly forgotten, causing heart attacks and anxiety. Most of us suffering from a severe case of the where is it?Oh there it is. Phew-itis. It's hard to comprehend how we could loose track of  how important and special those names, places and photos really are.  I remember the social calls.  The teenage hour long conversations.  The ringing doorbell. The playdates.  And the Sunday check-ins.  In my pocket I have all the information I could ever want.  Dates, times and events all collected in one tiny hand held horcrux; communicating has never been easier.  Though the digital siren's call is a tough one to ignore.  It is my goal to put down my fruity apendage and really stay connected.  And even if I can't peel it off; I will never underestimate the power of a smile.  Now, that's what I call satisfication. Oh, you know what I mean.
 
   Growing up in a small town, there's lots of time for reflection.  Time to sit by the river and wait for your enemies to roll by or read the Art of War.  It's up to you.  There is always more time and it's never to late to write your wrongs.  My Grandma Far was a fan of two nuggets of truth.  1. What's for you doesn't go by you.  Which means, if you're destined to have something or you've earned it, you'll get it.  And 2. The whole world can't be wrong.  Meaning, if you're the only one to see things your way, you're probably wrong.  And I am.  I have been wrong a lot lately.  Which is not to say I haven't been trying, I've just been trying the wrong things the right way and ignoring the right things the wrong way

  The strangest part about being wrong is that you don't realize it until it's too late.  Sad, but true.  If l had stopped to listen to the oh so very many voices of reason while on this tunnel vision express train, I probably wouldn't have F*ed things up...quite so badly.  There were warning signs- I ignored.  There were beacons of information- I ignored.  How about the pony express telegrams I received, but instead of reading, I did what, oh that's right- I ignored them.  Hubby says that people need to go through a selfish faze, especially when their goals are as lofty as mine.  Here is the problem though.  I am double crossing myself.  Hedging my bets. By putting in the effort for the things I need to be good at to achieve my goals, I risk losing the things I am already great at.  And I don't like that, it feels wrong. 

   When it feels like the world hates my guts, there is special person I turn to.  The man behind the curtain.  My Papa B; renowned grump and philosopher.  Plus sometimes I just need to talk to my Daddy.  As I wept onto my smart phone, my Papa B apologized for giving me his guarded and easily aggravated genes.  He is convinced that he is responsible for the not-so-social quirks my Bro and I share.   Which are many and widely varied. This might explain why the only person the 3 of us really trust is my Momma.  I know he's wrong about giving me all my quirks cuz I got a few from my Momma as well.  But where things really go wrong is when the two gene pools collide.  My Papa B's shrouded mystery with my Momma's need to shout it from the rooftops.  My Papa B's grumpiness with my Momma's need to please.  Papa B took an hour on a windy almost winter day to talk me down from a lonely breezy, freezing ledge and what I needed to hear most was the last thing he said:  "No matter how wrong you are.  If you apologize and mean it, there will always be time to right what you've wronged, if that's what you want."  And I want to.  Living life right is about maintenance, it takes work.  You're never wrong for wanting to better yourself.  But there is a right way to do it.  As for their genes, they may never fit me and look flattering.  But my Mom's genes will sure look good with my New Balance *insert coy wink for my funny little play on words*