Leaving notes for my puppa...

6/1/2012

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   As you have perhaps noticed I have been getting up at 5am everyday this week. Blah. So, I feel like I've been missing my home life. Well I have been missing my Little stinkeroo Tink, Sushi-goose and the Hubby. So, I started leaving notes for them on the counter in my mind. Which I will now transcribe for your reading pleasure.

Monday:

Dearest Tinker, 
You are my favourite Puppa. I had to leave very early this morning and I wanted you to know. I love you. I hope you have a great day.
Momma
P.S. If you could please Swiffer that would be great- as most of that hair is yours

Momma, 
I miss you and wanna give you kisses.  I was seeping all 'da day and didn't have time for swiffering. Also Lucy made some of that mess, so I don't know why I have to clean it all.
Jilly


Tuesday:

Jilly,
 I was so happy to find you in bed with me this morning.  You're such a snuggler. As for swiffering, you are the bigger sister and it's important to show Lucy how to pitch in. She's never been much of a helper. Maybe you can both do it, together
Xoxo M

Momma,
Lucy bopped my nose and even though she knows she's not supposed to hit- she did it anyways. I think she should have to Swiffer as punishment for hitting.  'Cause that's bad.
Tinker
P.S. You smell nice and I owe you some kisses


Wednesday:

Jill,
Please Swiffer. That's all I want. I took Lucy aside this morning and we talked about this behaviour. She apologized and told me she'll try harder to be nice.  She also told me that you said she had to Swiffer and that you were being a bully.  That's not the way I taught you to behave. Now I am trusting you 2 to get along when I am not there. So, please just be good.
I love you both,
Momma

Momma,
If Lucy won't Swiffer I am not going to either. 
Your loving doghter,
Jill Bean

Mom,
Please stop Jilly from being so bossy. She was barking out the window all day, drooling on your quilt and licking her bum hole. She's trying to get me to clean the whole house, and I am not the dirty one. I don't even go outside or anything. Plus I just gave myself a pretty lengthy bath today. Please ignore me if I'm sneezy, think I am catching Papa's allergies to dander.
I love you more than Jilly does.
Lucy

Momma,
I saw what Lucy wrote and I mean c'mon who you gonna believe? Me or her? I was a good girl all day. Puppa-swear.  Lucy just wants to get me in trouble so I have to do all the chores.
She's being so mean. Acting all fancy with her nail jewelry. It's not fair.
The bestest JB
P.S. She says she doesn't even miss you. But I do.
P.P.S I still have kisses for you

Thursday:

Girls, 
It is Thursday. I have been asking for you to Swiffer since Monday. I am no longer asking; I am telling. Swiffer today or there will be consequences.
Your little less loving mother.

Momma,
Lucy and I have decided that swiffering is not something we want to do. We thought maybe if we just slept quietly together in the sun spot on the couch that would be alright. Cuz getting along is the most important thing, right? 
Love your Fur babies,
Lucy and Jilly 

Friday:

Hubby,
Please punish those lazy girls of ours: no treats. They haven't helped me out all week. If you could please Swiffer and clean their rooms (Jilly's crate and Lucy's poo-box) that would be great. I will have to sit those 2 down and give them a piece of my mind.
I love you, and I love them- I just don't like them very much right now.
Wifey

Wifey,
Why didn't you just ask me in the first place? It took me 10 mins and could've saved you the argument. You know those 2 don't have thumbs or cognitive cleaning skills.
You're silly, I love you.
Hubby
P.S. weren't you going to clean Saturday anyway?

    Argh! I know, I know it's my fault for asking the wrong family member to take care of that on teensy job. I just thought it would be great to have those 2 laze-abouts finally pitched in. I was thinking though, maybe I should MacGyver 2 sets of pet sized booties made of Swiffer clothes, then all 8 of those tiny feet can do the work. You know what they say, many feet make for less fight.  Plus their penmanship is terrible.  Thanks for another great week! I'll see you Monday:)
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And Laundry holding steady at #8

3/30/2012

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  My day is separated into capsules of time; 20 mins to shower, 15 mins to do my make up, 40 mins to choose what to wear.  Then there is the never ending list of things that no matter how often you do or for how long, you have to keep doing over and over and over.  For example....Laundry.  If life had a top ten list of things that don't stop until you do (meaning when you croak), it might look like this.

1. Making the bed- every time you get out of it, it needs to be made again. And washed- folded, flipped, and so on.

2. Sweeping/Mopping/Swiffering- Just cleaning the damn floor, cause you're always walking on it, making it dirty again, finding tumble weeds of fur that have been driven into corners by the flow of traffic and spills from moving a hot pot too quickly into the sink

3. Walking the dog/cleaning the kitty litter/pooh-duty- HA I said duty (oh wait, that joke doesn't work when you're reading it *insert sigh & shrug)

4.Dishes- including but not limited to all the pots and pans you cooked with and the plates and silverware you ate off of.  And would you just wash that glass that's been beside the bed for the last 2 days? It has dust floating in it.

5. Groceries- if you want something to make your dishes dirty you need to go out and get groceries, carry them home, cut or chop, clean and store.  Make room in the fridge, cupboards and on shelves, don't forget that organizing can help your digestive system!


6.  Bills, taxes, receipts and just general bookkeeping and life management. If you want to know how you're doing life-wise, this is a good place to start and keep up with, cause people will hound you for $17. 86 (FED EX, I'm talking to you)  

7.  The Bathroom- clean, sanitize, polish and scrub. This room is always getting used by bums and naked bodies.  It's important to clean it often and well.

8. Laundry- Clothes, towels, sheets and whatever else needs to be de-grossed, de-haired or just freshened up.  A light, fresh, clean scent creates an air of country in the city.

9.  Swiffer- Before I even get to number 10 it's time to Swiffer again, I mean Jilly and Lucy are eager for a little sister I guess.  A baby Dat or Cog...I haven't decided, unless I just start knitting a fur sweater, which would be ecologically responsible, but really creepy.

10.  Myself- I need showers and shaves and scrubs and de-fur-ing and plucking and tweezing and clipping and shaping and stretching and warming ad nauseam, though I do consider myself a pretty clean person. (Ironic emphasis on Pretty*wink)
 
  Life is an ongoing holding pattern of mundane activities, but the one thing that isn't mundane is life....Wha? That sounds very Zen of me.  I am always surprised to find myself happy with the little things, but I would be happiest if I didn't have to keep SWIFFERING!
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