Ah, stress, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. Oh wait, there's a gazillions ways I hate you. For all the reasons I can think of, including but not limited to: My neck seizing. The tactical targeting of my immune system. Dotting my face with breakouts. Sweating- profuse amounts of sweating. Trouble sleeping. My short temper. I am snappy. I don't like anything about myself or anyone else for that matter. My tolerance and patience is zip! Then there's the stress eating, which just makes me feel worse about the rest of these shenanigans. So, I decided to take a deep breathe, a yoga class, a long walk and a nap...you know, just to see how the Stress with a capital S reacted.
Well, Stress isn't stupid and it's oddly patient. Avoidance doesn't equal Stress-execution. Stress waits, while I am hovering in warrior pose. I awake from my nap to find it staring me in the face. Stress is a Siamese twin joined to me at the heart. Stress you persistent eh-hole (this stress is very Canadian;)) you just won't leave me alone. So, deep breath, I pick up my blog and write a letter to stress:
Stress,
I do not accept you. The way you make me feel and the way you steal my energy for things I should be psyched about. Every time you tag along I feel like I could puke or punch someone out or cry. How do you expect to make friends if you treat everyone like this way? Wouldn't you rather be enthusiasm? Or perhaps butterflies? If you would like to explore alternate careers, please let me know and we can talk it out.
Hopefully,
Melicious
PS You've made my butt look fat in these pants- what's your plan for that?
Dropping this letter sealed with a kiss into the Universal mail box, I hope Stress gets the jist. But like any courier UMS is hit or miss. As for me; I will continue to encourage myself to grow, participate, put myself out there. The more I act like the person I want to be; the easier it is to be that person. Slowly, but surely I have begun to realize the things I was stressing over might not be so bad. The fear of failure was stressing me out- but the need to express myself and live regret free is a way bigger win, well worth the stress. Change is stressful, but it's something I can handle. I'll just catch Stress, then quarantine it, rehabilitate it and release it back into the wild. Otherwise let's hope all Stress needed was a strongly worded letter.
Okay, okay, so this is gonna sound crazy, but it's a true story. Two Novembers ago I found myself shopping for no reason in a store that was way too expensive. Sometimes the urge to soothe the self-loathing Sundays with retail therapy overtakes and I am powerless against her demands. So, recognizing I wasn't purchasing something of purpose, I was merely filling the gap, I took it down a notch. After perusing the mounted deer head painted white and the ironically scratchy sweaters, I stumbled across a teeny $12 motivational soap dish. Huh, it was the cheapest thing in the whole store so I bought it. Proudly purchasing my soap dish I was happy also extremely happy I had put make-up on and was wearing my vintage glasses since unwittingly, I'd landed smack-bang in hipster haven. Swinging my brown paper bag out of this teeny boutique, I remember forgetting what I'd even bought until I unwrapped it at home. A motivational moment each time I wash my hands. A single solitary action and meditation matched in the single serving size of washing your hands. Didn't seem like anything so special, until I realized it was.
Having a motto, a plan, a strategy, a safe word. Affirming yourself. Every self help Schmoe hosting a weekend seminar is spewing catch phrases to live happily. People are begging to be happy. People are blogging to be happy. There are groups of people who don't know how to be happy. People fighting for the joy they were banking on. Multitudes of folks who don't know how to be themselves and need to be taught by a stranger. When will we understand why these people wanting so badly to be happy can't be? When does sadness become a national health concern? The one thing they've got going for them is they know they can be better, happier and they hope to be saner. Ah, hope, happiness and sanity: the trifecta.
There's a reason that self help is so popular. You are just the right self to help you out. But flip a coin and I agree the mumbo jumbo is no bull. Knowing that each time I wash my hands I affirm myself. I pledge to lead by example. To be brave and true. That's a big assignment. That's a lot to ask of myself but the soap dish commands it. It continues to demand excellence. Every day my soap dish holds me accountable. My superficial purchase that was to be devoid of meaning actually became the mantra behind my initiative to change. Of course there were other factors: thank you Momma, Papa B, Hubby, BFF, Bucy & Bean for all your support and snuggles. But honestly, I think it really was the soap dish:)
It's easier said than done. You know how I know that? I've said a lot, and it never gets done. I am a logical thinker. The straight line, the path of least resistance, the straight and narrow. Growing up I always thought I knew better. Watching the poor decisions of others, I could predict the situation outcome. Not only did I think I knew better than my friends, but I knew better than my Parents and every other adult. Did I actually know better than any of them? Probably not, actually, I know for a fact that I didn't and still don't know best. Because if I did, I would be able to say it and then do it. Plus nobody likes the know it all, just watch any movie set in a classroom, recognize the know-it-all? She doesn't have many allies- unless it's test day.
Over the last year I have come to realize that getting things done is a complex 7 piece puzzle. Now, you may say, Melicious, 7 piece puzzles are for kids. Well, this 7 piece life puzzle is a challenge on the clearest, happiest and most balanced of days and not even attemptable on the dark, hazy lonely afternoons trapped in your own mind. You see these pieces change shape. They never fit together the same way. It's not a puzzle you can memorize. And each Let's Do This! puzzle is the same 7 pieces in a different configuration. There is a pieces for saying you want it done, actually wanting to do it, planning to do it. There's a piece that organizes and one that initiates. And a piece for actually doing it. Oh and the last puzzle piece is the one that keeps you doing it, because nothing gets done and stays done without a bit of tenacity. The important parts of solving a puzzle with ever changing pieces is knowing that it will always be a new experience and new outcome plus discovering new things you didn't know you didn't know. Be warned there is no picture on the front of the life goal puzzle box.
So, may I suggest that all this talk is getting us know-where? See what I did there?*insert coy wink. There are so many things people want and feel they deserve, demanding their ideal outcome but when it comes down to being a wo-man of action, they may fall short. Refusing to see the obstacles standing between an off-handed marathon remark and standing at the finish line puffing with the satisfaction of a job well done. If getting what you wanted was easy we'd have it already. If the universe was just going to take care of us we wouldn't have the drive to change, to improve, to excel. There is nothing shameful in being the know it all, the brown-noser, the tryer or the eager beaver, as long as you know it will take a lot more than you know, to get what you want. It will take all 7 of those puzzle pieces to build the picture you want to be.
Note: Life Puzzle for ages 15+ But everyone should try at least once.
Working from home can be dangerous territory. As an unpublished writer it's great-ish. But I am looking for ways to add to a thus far unpaid creative endeavour. We've all seen them, those ads to boost your income. Work from home. Make extra cash. Earn up to $3000 a month. Supplement your income with your computer. What they fail to say is that those plans often take hours a day, with multiple links, hundreds of envelopes, lots of writing and little factual reward. Les Sighes. Building a business from home is tougher than it seems. There are seen and unforeseen pitfalls. Growing up in a household with both parents working from home taught me many lessons about the separation of church and state. So, I thought I would pass some of those tidbits along.
Productivity in an at home business is threatened at every text, update and tweet. Learning to focus on your tasks is a task in itself. The benefits though can out weigh the opposition. By working from home I am able to keep my overhead low. The commute is short but the comforts are a temptation. People assume that since I am home I am free for a visit, which I typically cannot resist. Getting up in the morning I can launch my pyjama clad self directly into funnelling those creative juices. When those juices dry up I am able to switch focus to something mundane- for example laundry- essentially double dipping. Without a clock to punch I often loose track of work hours, which can lead to late nights and sleepy mornings. In loo of a cubicle it's important to create your own in house workspace. A place for work alone. Even if it's a special table splay, it's a centre to focus yourself. Ideally mine would be a vintage roll top writer's desk, though that's still a ways off. Create a task oriented routine, including meal breaks. By chopping your day into bite sized segments I've found an ease for consumption and creation. Working from home means your work may never end. Being your own boss means giving yourself a bonus for good work. Though it also means cracking the motivational whip. Balance is key but that key is big, heavy and easily lost.
The world often treats an at home employee as lessor than a work a day job Joe. No matter who you talk to it's value is difficult to pin down. Being a workaholic I have learned that I am capable of working myself like crazy no matter where I am. The most important part of being your own boss, your own publicist and the company janitor is diligence. Having a stick to it mentality will help you avoid the very obvious distractions. The not so obvious villans will always sneak up on you, but if you're ready to focus on your goals, you can remain on task. Strategizing my non-paying creative jobs and making some extra stay at home money would be great. I just wish I was getting paid for napping, bon bon eating and blogging. Which will come, as long as I can stay on task. Oh yeah, it's just that easy, said The Secret. But for now at least, working from home is where my heart is.
This time of year is full of insipiration. Motivational tips. Cute videos and tales of redeeming glory. So, I thought I would jump on that bandwagon...seems like a safer bet than the Leafs. These inspirations are for all my inspire-ers:)
1. There is a girl I know who volunteers because she wants to. She bakes and posters. She shaves ice and visits with people down on their luck. She is truly a good person. She inspires me to be generous.
2. There is a woman who mediates. She hears what is being said and how people are saying it and listens without judgement. Knowing the value of an opinion she saves it. She inspires me to use my words carefully.
3. There is a friend who challenges me. Who gets my goat. As if knowing when I need her and why, she keeps me on my toes. Reminding me there are so many possible outcomes to any situation. She is a survivalist. She inspires me to think out of the box.
4. There is a mother who loves her baby everyday. She hugs and kisses and sings to her. She protects and cares for the needs of her young. Putting herself second. She inspires me to choose love.
5. There is a person who knows me. I mean really knows me. The good, the bad and the fugly. Who doesn't blame others when problems arise. Who digs deep and struggles through, despite rising odds and inconsideration. She inspires me to stay motivated.
6. There is a dog who chills. She sleeps and snores. Reminding me that a day of rest is something we all need. That sometimes you need to curl up in a blanket and snooze. She inspires me to take it easy.
7. There is a couple who live together, work together and play together. They share opinions and oppose obstacles- together. Standing side by side they are a united front. They inspire me to work on my relationship.
8. There are two cats who stretch, yawn and primp. They taught me that the simple act of purring can be beautiful. They remind me that grooming is a very important tool for world domination. They inspire me to refract my inner beauty outward.
9. There is a certain board game that requires skill and planning. Strategy and secrecy. It takes diplomacy and fortitude. A misstep can make a difference between winning and losing. It inspires me to use my skills wisely.
10. There is a waitress who knows my name, my order and just how I like it. She knows how my day was, by how I walked through the door. She helps me to recognize who I am and how others see me. She inspires me to be a brighter light.
11. There is a gym teacher who makes me sweat. She helps me smile through my practise, even on those days when I feel like I am not progressing. She lets me lean on her those days when I need support. She inspires me to push myself further.
12. There is a small business owner who is constantly reinventing herself and her company. Following trends and predicting the needs of an ever changing customer base. Teaching me about where the current of business can lead, if I just point myself in the right direction. She inspires me to be open minded.
13. There is a baby who is just learning everything. Each day holds new opportunities to grow. She smiles and sighs, and sometimes she cries. Never knowing what can happen next. She inspires me to take each new challenge as it comes.
Oh yeah, I how could I forget: There are a few readers who's dedication inspires me to carry on, even when I feel uninspired to do so. And for all these people I am inspired to be a better person. Who did you inspire today? It's never who you expected. You're probably on this list;) Oh and I hope to inspire people to have fun. As for the tailgate party for this inspiration band wagon, there will be a veggie option:)
There is nothing new. You know how people say that? It's all just recycled versions of a joke that was already punched, an idea that was already patented. It's all been done before. Which for a creative person hurts my feelings and my chances. How can I break away if there will never be something new ever again.
Often people hear my off hand remarks and ask: what's that from? Offended I would say I just made it up. My interrogator squinting in disbelief, scrolling through their witty bank, searching for inaccuracies. But I'll stick to my creative guns. I would be amiss to say I have no inspiration. That I am museless. Or even uninfluenced by my environment, my interests or tastes. All of which I am and do and are and want to be. Creating something special or even just a hint of it is a daily goal. Something every creative person should strive for. I'm not saying that every night is a night to write a song about or a game changer. But I'm thankful for the nights that are.
So, if everything has been done, what's left to do? The only thing left is for me is to do, is do it. The only way for me to change it is to do it uniquely. Meliciously. Not like Frankie, not like Usher. My Way. The only person who sees the world the way you do is: wait for it: you. And the only person who can do things with that oh so special Meliciousness? Well, that's me. So, I guess that's where we creative folk find ourselves. Does the attempt to be brave and bold make us creative? Not necessarily, but there is the undying notion that everything old can be new again. And I am just the vintage lady to find that tarnished treasure, shine it up real pretty and present it with new life. Oh yeah, and sell it to you at a much higher price, of course.
After taking 2 very long weeks off for this special time of year. I realized there were a few things I learned. So I thought y'all might benefit from learning yourselves.
Things I learned on Winter Holidays:
1. When my parents got a new dog I suffered from a severe case of sibling rivalry.
2. December is the month I decide to ruin myself, then I spend 8 months after that in a remorseful comatose of self loathing and depression.
3. As soon as I do not have to blog I have a bazillion great ideas.
4. Despite my objections- I did in fact want something sparkly for Christmas.
5. Not having an outburst outlet, means I burst out.
6. I miss making up inside jokes.
7. A New Year's resolution may start a few days late cuz you have left overs from Christmas that would be a shame to waste.
8. I am easily convinced that sitting around eating bon-bons is hard work.
9. A box of Ferreros that costs $5.99 seems appropriate to eat in one sitting.
10. Window shopping is recommended while wrapped in winter layers. Otherwise anticipate breaking a pig in a blanket sweat.
11. A musical revolution over 200 years old can still bring me to tears.
12. January is a strange month for weather and behaviour.
13. There should be a special Oscar category for CGI or motion capture actors & tigers
14. Family is a bountiful source for blog fodder.
15. I really like spending time with Jilly. She's truly the bestest tinker.
16. My trio's tradition of doing mini Christmas before we part for the season is a great way to ease into the holiday hubbub and bally-hoo!
17. There's something special about a new snow fall, especially the white fluffy floaty ones.
18. There are worse people I could be than myself.
19. Turkey+time =toots
20. Keeping a New Year's resolution is tough if you don't really want to.
21. Pig is a delicious animal.
22. Being a meat eater is not for me. how can I love one and eat the other?
23. Christmas carols late at night on Christmas Eve in the church I grew up in makes me cry, then laugh until I start crying again.
24. I am lucky to love my family as much as I do.
25. Even though Hubby says he only likes black athletic socks, a new pair of purple argyles really bring out his personality.
26. People should stop bullying Justin Bieber, he's a good boy.
27. Being the loudest person in the room means I should probably try listening.
28. I can still remember all the dirty/made up lyrics for most of my fav childhood Xmas songs.
29. I enjoy being happy and jolly. But other people tend to be annoyed/overwhelmed/intimidated by the level of my enthusiasm.
30. A Christmas threat becomes empty if you beg your Momma for the 90 piece nativity set and ceramic tree.
31. My favourite parts of returning to work after the holidays are the hugs and New Year's well wishes. I would like that type of reception all the live long year.
This is not the entire list, but I worry that too many lists that are too long- can wear out my welcome- and I want to be welcomed until my next holiday:) Here's to you and yours! I hope you had the most magical of Christmas times. I hope that Santa was good to you! And that all your New Year's resolutions are on track. Or at least at the train station.
 Alternate titles include: The Resolutionator, My Body/My Self, Everything Old is New Again, You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello and This is Going to be the BEST Year Ever- the Farmer's Almanac said so. Well, jingle my Xmas bell and ring in the New Year! I've missed all 6 of my loyal readers! And am enjoying my new found popularity in the Russian market. Who knew they were fans of the middle of the road humour I am all about. Hmmm*insert shrug. There have been a multitude of changes over the past 2 weeks... For one you might've noticed the image to the right...Why yes, that is my new logo. Oh really? You think so? I'm a big fan too. I am also planning on a huge website overhaul to celebrate my first blog-iversary- Exciting times for those of us on the ground floor. Many more floors planned, but I am awaiting zoning by-law approval. Now, this Year's resolutions include soon to be classics and renewals of the ever popular standards. For example I am taking level 2 Ukeology with my Fav teacher Judy Marshak, a continuation of last year's initiative. There has been significant progress on my YA novels, so that's coming off the back burner and being put onto the mid-burner. I am back to being a pescetarian, which is a type of omnivore. A fancy way of saying meat makes me sad and sick, plus fish can't cry, they don't have tear ducts. Hubby and I have also started juicing. The amazing flavours of cabbage and kale finally in one condensed murky glass...that was sarcasm, though most of his concoctions have been a dis-licious veggie blast. The whole eating right and exercise thing seemed to be working, so that is to be continued with renewed fervour. Which brings me to what I have been worried about...I owe us a weigh in. Sigh. I'll be honest, all the goodies and boozes and baddies caught up with me this holiday season. For example, Hubby and I finished a box of Ferrero Rochers in a sitting, mind you it was a Sons of Anarchy marathon, so it was over a few hours, but still. Those delicious hazelnut nuggets went down like butter... which I also ate a lot of. Looking at myself in the gym wall mirror this week has given me pause. I am definitely up... but just how much is yet to been seen. So, I guess it's time for us to see what comes of bad decisions.
And now for the moment I've been avoiding: Week 12 measurements
Height still 5'8"
Weight 173.6 (-2.6 lbs)
Bust 40 (-/+)
Natural waist 33.5 (+.5")
Hips 44 (+1")
Arm flex r:13.5 (+.5") l:13.5 (-/+)
Arm rest r: 12.5 (-1") l:12.75 (-.75")
Thigh standing r: 25 (+.25) l:24.5 (-/+)
For a total gain of .5 inches but a loss of 2.6 lbs
That is one strange weigh in. I knew that I would be up, but to also be down... It's a wonder that people don't drive themselves crazy with their numbers. From what I understand the muscle I gained before the holidays helped me to fend off some of the weight, though not the bloating. Oh and as had been the pattern no inches gained or lost on my bust line. Surprise, surprise, surprise. I am definitely happy to be back on track, it's not necessarily a fast track, but now I know what direction I am going. So as soon as that Pot of Gold is gone I will be back to my strict no junk regime...I mean who can resist that chocolatey flavour rainbow?
There are children all over who grow up dreaming. Sometimes they are too shy to talk their peers. Perhaps their mouth works just a hint faster than their brain and they often find themselves chewing foot. Maybe they find their own thoughts more amusing and entertaining than reality and well, just a wonderful place to play. Those starry eyes drifting; lost in a teeny insect world, or on an intergalactic journey. For little bitty me, imagination was my best friend. We would read fairy tales and mystery novels together. Yellow jacketed puzzles that we'd solve just in time to start the next. We'd write dark and brooding poetry, as that was the only kind we knew about until haiku. But movies, they were our home.
There are so many lives I have lived through movies. I have been a warrior, a dancer, an outcast, a vigilante. I have fallen in love with the bad boy, and the good boy who pretends to be the bad boy but gets caught up being bad until his true love for me snaps him out of it. There have been to millions of Christmas', tonnes of Weddings and oh so many narrowly escaped terrors. Movies have always been a special part of the world for me. A chance to jump into someone else's imagination. Maybe even explore uncharted islands, star systems or the future. I've attended Proms where the whole grad class knows the same dance moves. Having wishes come to life. Making children out of wood. Flying elephants. Then just as quickly drafted back onto the front lines. Dark and dirty. With just a hint of hope. The smile of the inn keeper's son, and suddenly the rain doesn't seem so bad. Without warning the band starts warming up and you're dancing. Singing songs that reflect the hopes of the world around you. Being a part of the magic is an important part of me; and my imagination agrees with that.
The movies might not always be good. A lot of the time they will be rotten. You'll forget about them. Perhaps you'll fall asleep before the end. But knowing that eventually, no matter how bad the movies get there will always be somebody who wants to make them great again. There will always be a writer searching for the greatest idea they've ever had. Each character is a chance for the makeup artist to perfect their craft. Then there's the lighting guys, the boom operator, the focus puller. And as we all know there's the cast. There might be a lot of movies out there that will never surprise us. They may never get noticed. They may even let us down. But every once in a while there's a movie that finds our imagination, wakes it up and asks them if they want to come out and play. And this time of year has my imagination pulling all-nighters, but with another trip to the concession stand, I should be able to pack enough high fructose energy to keep my imagination and I going, at least until Boxing Day.
This is that very special time of year when the phrase you hear most is "We should get together!". And in most cases we do. Every weekend and evening jammed packed with travelling, talking, catching up and Christmas carols. Oh and don't forget an extra special visit with Sandy Clause, cuz I didn't write a letter this year, and my list is long. Now, every year is the same thing. Keeping up appearances at a break neck speed for the first 2 weeks, then all of a sudden you realize: You've only been sleeping 4 hours a night and between work and play you're all booked up 'til Xmas Eve and solid through to Boxing Day. Well, Honey, I am here to tell you, we are in the final week. The countdown to downtime has begun. And baby, oh baby, I'm thinking Turkey and Gravy, which is strange, cuz I usually don't eat meat.
This has been a long month for me so far. Filled with parties, pub crawls, public appearances & double shifts. Bringing with it good and bad. Rampant with tiny bad luck spurts. If you've been following along, some of this is old news. I have lost my sentimental mittens; made for me by my Momma's BFF to match my toque and winter coat. I dropped myPhone into the toilet; but it's sorta back to normal. My watch strap snapped. I've bruised my elbow, badly. I have fallen down once or twice. I've strained my muscles by pushing myself at the gym so I can eat whatever I want during this holiday's never ending buffet circuit. But there have also been tiny rays of Daylight saving grace. I've hugged and been hugged by so many people that I love. There has been dancing, oh so much, that the earth moved. Dance parties, dance off, dancing myself right into a neck brace. Oh! and wine. I have had a lot of wine, beer, vodka and it has put me into the Spirit... though it's a good thing that I have spread it out over a month. I haven't gained weight (yet) and am still on target for my New Year's goals. As the next weigh in is Dec 31, apropos of a typical predictable New Year's Resolution. So, I have endured a lot of 2 steps forward, 2 steps back, turn around touch the ground. But treading water while giving and receiving with people you love, ain't too shabby.
This time of year is always a mad dash. There is social pressure to be the best person this very special time of the year. But it's always a scramble to the finish line. Breathe deeply, we're almost there. Online gifts must be ordered by now. Last minute mall sprawls for those special add on items. Stocking stuffings stuffed into sacs and stored safely. Baking and basting almost ready. And soon the holiday parties will slow, and the family dinners will start. So, dear readers as we gain momentum on this holiday juggernaut I remind you that we are 7 days from the big one and then (fingers crossed) we'll be able to settle down for a long winter's nap. Hopefully. I do wish that we could keep Christmas with us all through the year, though I don't think I could afford it- financially, emotionally or sentimentally.
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