This blog was written with a haughty British accent;)
In my life I've seen a plethora of wild, weird and amazing sights. I love learning and doing new things and exploring new places. Typically while in the throughs my adventures I must powder my nose, to put it demurely. In those varied facilities there has been many a loo I have endured, Port-a-potties and Johnny on the spots included. There are few places with such a wide variation of experiences, most of which are increasingly disgusting. But truly where to begin? Perhaps here:
1. Graffiti professing love and loathing. Which distracts from the task at hand...task at bottom.
2. Portable facilities at festivals and in parks. The limited cleaning of these is in and of itself: a nightmare. I am convinced that the toilet monster from Dogma resides within them and awaits an unexpecting bottom to latch onto and suck down into the bog below.
3. Disasters. Need a lady say more?
4. No flushing. It is a simple physical gesture that proves you respect yourself and others enough to not show them your waste.
5. Toilet paper on the floor. Both wrapped rolls and rogue strips. Wet it becomes a horrific paper-mâché soaked with urine or unidentifiable liquid.
6. Women throwing up and crying, typically a drunken phenomenon; overtaking the facilities, forcing the gentry to "hold it".
7. Hair; pubic and longer strewn about, but always in a location I must touch. And though I am sure you think your hair is cleanly, I do not desire intimate contact.
8. People having sex. I tend to think of public lavatories as out-posts, where you are only expelling, though some may consider me a prude.
9. Washing hands is recommended but how many other parts of the body should be washed in a public sink? Armpits, feet and crotches are business best left for home. Unless your home is Union Station.
11. Line ups and natural flow. Women, please let's agree that the rules of the road should apply to the lines of the restroom. First in, merging and line ups should be adhered to. Unless elderly or invalid.
10. Phone applications that make noise to cover the sound of using the facilities. There is a children's book: Everybody Poops. Please do your business and don't try to wait until the room is empty; everyone knows what you are doing behind that closed door. So my dear, relax and do it.
11. The smell. What foods must be eaten to create such a wretched stench? And if the water closet is a onesizie; leave the door ajar to air it out for the next occupant. Pretty please with a cherry on top?
12. Seat pee. The squatters who have convinced themselves that diseases will leap from the seat, attach and infest within the 15 seconds of contact. Problem? They are the reason other gentle ladies need to wipe the seat before use.
In softer times the loo was outfitted with chaise lounges, mirrors and complimentary beautifying supplies- well complimentary with a substantial tip to the attendant. Lavatories were a place for women in corsets and girdles to breath. For nose powdering and feminine gaggle gossip. It was not simply a place to make water and leave a mess. It was seclusion; away from the eyes of your gentlemen callers. In the comfort of a private place for ladies only. But the perpetrators of the fore mentioned offenses have lost sight of the dignity we had. And now there are fewer ladies, in a time when that's just what the world needs. Oh dear, my telephone is ringing. Please excuse me, I have to take this, it's nature calling:)
In my life I've seen a plethora of wild, weird and amazing sights. I love learning and doing new things and exploring new places. Typically while in the throughs my adventures I must powder my nose, to put it demurely. In those varied facilities there has been many a loo I have endured, Port-a-potties and Johnny on the spots included. There are few places with such a wide variation of experiences, most of which are increasingly disgusting. But truly where to begin? Perhaps here:
1. Graffiti professing love and loathing. Which distracts from the task at hand...task at bottom.
2. Portable facilities at festivals and in parks. The limited cleaning of these is in and of itself: a nightmare. I am convinced that the toilet monster from Dogma resides within them and awaits an unexpecting bottom to latch onto and suck down into the bog below.
3. Disasters. Need a lady say more?
4. No flushing. It is a simple physical gesture that proves you respect yourself and others enough to not show them your waste.
5. Toilet paper on the floor. Both wrapped rolls and rogue strips. Wet it becomes a horrific paper-mâché soaked with urine or unidentifiable liquid.
6. Women throwing up and crying, typically a drunken phenomenon; overtaking the facilities, forcing the gentry to "hold it".
7. Hair; pubic and longer strewn about, but always in a location I must touch. And though I am sure you think your hair is cleanly, I do not desire intimate contact.
8. People having sex. I tend to think of public lavatories as out-posts, where you are only expelling, though some may consider me a prude.
9. Washing hands is recommended but how many other parts of the body should be washed in a public sink? Armpits, feet and crotches are business best left for home. Unless your home is Union Station.
11. Line ups and natural flow. Women, please let's agree that the rules of the road should apply to the lines of the restroom. First in, merging and line ups should be adhered to. Unless elderly or invalid.
10. Phone applications that make noise to cover the sound of using the facilities. There is a children's book: Everybody Poops. Please do your business and don't try to wait until the room is empty; everyone knows what you are doing behind that closed door. So my dear, relax and do it.
11. The smell. What foods must be eaten to create such a wretched stench? And if the water closet is a onesizie; leave the door ajar to air it out for the next occupant. Pretty please with a cherry on top?
12. Seat pee. The squatters who have convinced themselves that diseases will leap from the seat, attach and infest within the 15 seconds of contact. Problem? They are the reason other gentle ladies need to wipe the seat before use.
In softer times the loo was outfitted with chaise lounges, mirrors and complimentary beautifying supplies- well complimentary with a substantial tip to the attendant. Lavatories were a place for women in corsets and girdles to breath. For nose powdering and feminine gaggle gossip. It was not simply a place to make water and leave a mess. It was seclusion; away from the eyes of your gentlemen callers. In the comfort of a private place for ladies only. But the perpetrators of the fore mentioned offenses have lost sight of the dignity we had. And now there are fewer ladies, in a time when that's just what the world needs. Oh dear, my telephone is ringing. Please excuse me, I have to take this, it's nature calling:)
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