This one's a thinker

 So all day I have been struggling about what to write.  I couldn't think in the shower, I couldn't think in the checking of my morning emails.  I couldn't think.  And then my pretty pregnant friend arrives, for an early morning visit, as she is at term and has to be on bed rest in the afternoon, which I think means she is close to having a baby. And we visited while I drank my Douche bag iced Starbucks coffee and she sipped on water, the only non-alcoholic beverage I have in this newly moved house.  We talked about babies, and what to expect when you're expecting, which I was surprised at how little I knew to expect.  Like pregnancy is actually 10 months, oh geez, I didn’t know how I was going to make it 9 months. And bedrest, which sounds great in theory, except you can’t leave your bed.  And I still couldn’t think. All I could think about was how great a mother she was going to be, and how I wasn’t a mother yet, I was still a little girl.  Then my other girl friend calls me, she's in my new hood and wanting to drop in, and being friends with my fav-baby-maker I invite her by. A quick catch up and another text from my sister-wife saying hello and enjoy the sunshine but not too much cause she’s working. Hugs and kisses and goodbyes, and I still couldn’t think.  I mean enough for one day about the move, what else have you got to say.  A walk out in the sunlight adding another girlfriend for lunch and patio deliciousness at a new local restaurant and I still couldn’t think.  Smiling and hugging and sunshine and I am thinking about how I can’t think. I am thinking about how this girlfriend would be a great mother, and how she is motherly to me and my childish whims and how she knows I am thinking about how I can’t think.  And my new friend knows I am thinking too hard about it, and that won’t help me either. And I still can’t think.  We talk about ourselves and how we reflect in others and how we drive ourselves crazy and how others drive us crazy, and about how crazy isn’t so bad.  We hug and pose and laugh, and I think.  And I finally realize I am thinking about you, and her, and me, and she, and my grandma who could sit and solve a crosswords for hours with a dog-eared crosswords dictionary next to her. I am talking about my mother wanting to have a big family, but getting 2 kids with really big personalities instead. I think about my grandmother sitting in her chair and knitting a little tiny nothing into an afghan that was made to wrap you like a hug, making you feel better. The sun is tanning my cheeks that are already sore from laughter and I am thinking about how I couldn’t think, only to realize this is the thinking I was doing all along.  And I was thinking about you, I love you. Just something to think about.