Leaving notes for my puppa...

6/1/2012

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   As you have perhaps noticed I have been getting up at 5am everyday this week. Blah. So, I feel like I've been missing my home life. Well I have been missing my Little stinkeroo Tink, Sushi-goose and the Hubby. So, I started leaving notes for them on the counter in my mind. Which I will now transcribe for your reading pleasure.

Monday:

Dearest Tinker, 
You are my favourite Puppa. I had to leave very early this morning and I wanted you to know. I love you. I hope you have a great day.
Momma
P.S. If you could please Swiffer that would be great- as most of that hair is yours

Momma, 
I miss you and wanna give you kisses.  I was seeping all 'da day and didn't have time for swiffering. Also Lucy made some of that mess, so I don't know why I have to clean it all.
Jilly


Tuesday:

Jilly,
 I was so happy to find you in bed with me this morning.  You're such a snuggler. As for swiffering, you are the bigger sister and it's important to show Lucy how to pitch in. She's never been much of a helper. Maybe you can both do it, together
Xoxo M

Momma,
Lucy bopped my nose and even though she knows she's not supposed to hit- she did it anyways. I think she should have to Swiffer as punishment for hitting.  'Cause that's bad.
Tinker
P.S. You smell nice and I owe you some kisses


Wednesday:

Jill,
Please Swiffer. That's all I want. I took Lucy aside this morning and we talked about this behaviour. She apologized and told me she'll try harder to be nice.  She also told me that you said she had to Swiffer and that you were being a bully.  That's not the way I taught you to behave. Now I am trusting you 2 to get along when I am not there. So, please just be good.
I love you both,
Momma

Momma,
If Lucy won't Swiffer I am not going to either. 
Your loving doghter,
Jill Bean

Mom,
Please stop Jilly from being so bossy. She was barking out the window all day, drooling on your quilt and licking her bum hole. She's trying to get me to clean the whole house, and I am not the dirty one. I don't even go outside or anything. Plus I just gave myself a pretty lengthy bath today. Please ignore me if I'm sneezy, think I am catching Papa's allergies to dander.
I love you more than Jilly does.
Lucy

Momma,
I saw what Lucy wrote and I mean c'mon who you gonna believe? Me or her? I was a good girl all day. Puppa-swear.  Lucy just wants to get me in trouble so I have to do all the chores.
She's being so mean. Acting all fancy with her nail jewelry. It's not fair.
The bestest JB
P.S. She says she doesn't even miss you. But I do.
P.P.S I still have kisses for you

Thursday:

Girls, 
It is Thursday. I have been asking for you to Swiffer since Monday. I am no longer asking; I am telling. Swiffer today or there will be consequences.
Your little less loving mother.

Momma,
Lucy and I have decided that swiffering is not something we want to do. We thought maybe if we just slept quietly together in the sun spot on the couch that would be alright. Cuz getting along is the most important thing, right? 
Love your Fur babies,
Lucy and Jilly 

Friday:

Hubby,
Please punish those lazy girls of ours: no treats. They haven't helped me out all week. If you could please Swiffer and clean their rooms (Jilly's crate and Lucy's poo-box) that would be great. I will have to sit those 2 down and give them a piece of my mind.
I love you, and I love them- I just don't like them very much right now.
Wifey

Wifey,
Why didn't you just ask me in the first place? It took me 10 mins and could've saved you the argument. You know those 2 don't have thumbs or cognitive cleaning skills.
You're silly, I love you.
Hubby
P.S. weren't you going to clean Saturday anyway?

    Argh! I know, I know it's my fault for asking the wrong family member to take care of that on teensy job. I just thought it would be great to have those 2 laze-abouts finally pitched in. I was thinking though, maybe I should MacGyver 2 sets of pet sized booties made of Swiffer clothes, then all 8 of those tiny feet can do the work. You know what they say, many feet make for less fight.  Plus their penmanship is terrible.  Thanks for another great week! I'll see you Monday:)
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Unnamed Family band seeks children;)

5/16/2012

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      My new uke arrived in the mail on Monday. Well, arrived isn't the right word.  I mean I picked it up from the 7/11 mail depot in the world's biggest box and carried it all the way down from Dundas on Monday, Monday. Just another manic Monday. Unpacking this giant box, removing layers of paper and 2 subsequently smaller boxes- I finally unveiled her.  And I played that pretty lady all day. Played it 'til my fingers bled, if this were the summer of '65.  I strummed and loved that Big Lady. Problem is I am undecided on what to name my new uke.  Her older-way older and stubborn sister's name is Betty, pretty little antique Betty.  Stubborn pegs not gripping the strings; going out of tune every song; Betty.   The two names I have been tossing around are the Big Lady or Baby Belle. So for now, until I decide I will use both:) 

     Hubby and I have been playing Faque Band (Fake Band) since Rockband came out on X-box 360.  Though since I started learning a real instrument we're jamming like a real Faque Band.  Hubby plays the guitar and sings, but he always Garfunkles me.  I want to be Garfunkle.  Can both of us be Garfunkle? He should be Paul, I mean that's obvious. C'mon Garfunkle and Garfunkle sounds like a law firm that only deals with clerical errors.  That's something we'll have to work out.

   When beautiful Baby Belle arrived I started dreaming about the awesome sauce family band Hubby and I could build- but it seems like it should be an audition process more so than a birthing process. We would be looking for children who could conceivably be our children, but we're far too young to actually have naturally. A la Brady bunch Partridge bus.  We need a bassist and pianist and violin/fiddle.  Children must be self-sufficient and capable of taking care of themselves, preparing meals and cleaning the tour bus etc.  Birth-parents must relinquish all rights to family photos and "memories" as they have now become part of the Unnamed Family Band paraphernalia for fan clubs members and 8 special  collectors editions commemorative glasses available from your local gas station.  Please submit your child in the comment section below; attach a photo, resume and reel if possible:)

  With this unnamed family band dynasty goes the woes of what should our first album be called? Should we self-title, perhaps we should use an inside family band joke?  What is the thought process that goes into picking your album cover art?  Can you imagine the pitch session?  Would it be my job as the performer to come up with the idea?  Or is it an uncreative studio exec with branding expertise...?Should it be a cartoon? Real life shot? Sexy photo? Serious musicians with instruments in hand? Hiding half covered face or faces shrouded in shadow? Colour or black and white? Just a landscape? A shot taken by a band member with photography enthusiasm.  What image best suits this sound. The pairing of an image with a sound.  These are all very difficult decisions.  Wow, it's hard to play Unnamed Family Faque Band and hold down a non-paying job as a bloggist.  I tell you, I might have a slight addiction to being a Jack of all Trades.  But can I help it if I am sorta good at everything...?
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It takes a village...but this is Toronto

4/17/2012

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  My first toronto friend just had a baby. Now, I don't mean the first baby a friend of mine had since I've lived in Toronto. I mean my first friend living in Toronto had a baby. I have friends back home who have had babies. But they live in the country, where babies come from. The safe, quiet, boring country where Ontario has raised it's children for generations.  A cabbage patch of children waiting with eager storks. And it's also not my first friend who's lived in near the city with kids. She's a friend I met in Toronto, living here now with a newborn.  And it stresses me out. I ran away from the country, I ran away to the circus. I came to the big city- and so did she and now she has a baby. I don't mean she had a baby frivolously, but now there's a baby that has become part of my village.  And it scares the crap out of me.  How can I possibly be a good example for teeny V?
   I want to be a sweet Aunt, a sister her mother doesn't have (or want?).  I don't know how to do it though. Don't get me wrong- Chillins luv me*insert gangster swagger, but I am a novelty.  I am fun for an afternoon of adults acting like kids.  I am great for forts and ghost stories and roasted marshmallows and sledding ...It's the day to day I worry about.  My hubby and I are going to be part of that little baby's life; at parties, at weddings, big life events- we're friends with this baby's parents in a close and important way. But now...there's a baby in this circus.  CIRCUS LOUD SPEAKER ANNOUNCEMENT: There's a baby here, there's a little, tiny, reliant life form that you love and have to help take care of!!! 
  When I met hubby, his friend's kids were already 3ish- except Little L and he arrived shortly after Hubby and I started dating.  Though he was "still single" and didn't get invited to the baby stuff.  I, on the other hand, have been to baby showers and 1st birthday parties all over Ontario, but I was the quirky girl who never gave the right thing (even though I always shopped from the baby registry*insert sigh)...But there hasn't really been kids around us. Well, maybe just 3 Special K's, and that's only within the last 8 months. (3 Special K's: One who looks like me, one who acts like me and one who looks like she will act like me)
  Hubby and I often discuss having babies, 'cuz let's be honest they would be cute, warped, but cute:)  Our opinion shifts with the wind. Taking into account:  The world being so full of people- most of them a*holes... The environment, our personal lives, our jobs and our all around selfish behaviour.  Through last week's disasters of caring for the dog with the bum surgery and living in a flooded building, I gotta tell ya- having a kid would have been rough... and even when all those mini disasters settled down life would continue to be tough, 'cuz you're somebody's mother. And that never ends.
  Oh as for calling myself a juggernaut, I am nothing compared to this brand new baby Momma- her life truly is incomparable.  This very special momma truly will not (or cannot) be stopped! But I hope she gets a nice long sleep tonight and can dish (preferably Hummus) with Melicious real soon.  

PS Mama- I hear your toes, gently tapping- rap, rap, rapping on our bedroom door.  You were born to be a Grandma :) and who am I to disappoint?  Can we just wait 'til this writing things pays the bills?*insert puppy eyes
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