I remember holding my grade 3, bestest friend's hand, walking down the hall of a brand new school, saying: We can't be separated, they wouldn't do that to us. Clutching to each other in a new and scary place, begging not to be spilt up. But they did. They split us up- there were only 2 french immersion classes and we were split up. Being down the street and around the corner made us fast friends. Riding the same bus and waiting at the same stop helped for sure...but the great divide, it tore us apart.
My class was made up of some kids I knew, some I didn't. We were all french immersion, but they had always been 2a or Kindergarten even days, we never mixed- not even in the school yard. We played soccer and freeze tag, while they played wall-ball and 4 square. We were birds and and they were fish. Never to living together...But now we were at a new school, where nobody knew the rules of the game. Entering James Mc in grade 3, we mixed and I lost my Bestest friend in the whole wide world. I lost her to one of the dreaded Jennifers of which we had 4. That first day on the bus ride home, she and I sat together for the very last time. She told me how exciting her class was, I told her how I didn't pay attention to Monsieur Gagne all day, and how I missed her. She said she really liked her new class, I said I didn't really like the 2 guys sitting at my desk cluster, and we were seated alphabetically. She was happy. I missed my best friend.
And then the day of reckoning came: she didn't sit with me on the bus in the morning. I couldn't find her at morning recess. She wasn't playing outside at lunch, she was eating in her classroom, a place I wasn't allowed. On the bus she sat alone, I took my spot next to her, eager to talk her ear off about my day and winning a spelling contest. She ignored me, starring out the window. I thought it was weird, but my 3rd grade brain went with it, what could be wrong? We're best-friends-forever. When we got to our bus stop, she pushed past me and down the bus stairs. Then; she ran. She ran hard and fast. She ran away from me. I still don't understand...
This continued, everyday for what felt like forever to 3rd grade me. Somedays I would yell after her- screaming her name- yelling that I didn't care if she ran away from me. "I don't care!!!", but really I did care. It was the worst part of my day. I knew she would run, and she always did. Somedays I would run after her. Somedays I would just cry. I never understood what the running was about. I now think it had to do with all this talking...I can see why somebody would run away. Our friendship ended, though not without me trying to turn her back into my Bestie with gifts, and phone calls (she would hang up on me) and I would stroll by her house casually...a lot. Waiting for her to remember all the fun we had sledding and getting into trouble for switching our clothes and trips together during summer vacation.
Friendship can often be a tricky and unstable slope- awaiting a holler to trigger an avalanche of emotions. Being a grown-up and dealing with actual problems, I wish I could run back to my worst Grade 3 day and just enjoy it. But no matter how fast you run, you can't outrun your past and the decisions you make can greatly effect the people you've decided on. Even the worst days I had as a child aren't so bad in hindsight but I'm definitely glad my friends don't run away from me any more. Well, most of them.
My class was made up of some kids I knew, some I didn't. We were all french immersion, but they had always been 2a or Kindergarten even days, we never mixed- not even in the school yard. We played soccer and freeze tag, while they played wall-ball and 4 square. We were birds and and they were fish. Never to living together...But now we were at a new school, where nobody knew the rules of the game. Entering James Mc in grade 3, we mixed and I lost my Bestest friend in the whole wide world. I lost her to one of the dreaded Jennifers of which we had 4. That first day on the bus ride home, she and I sat together for the very last time. She told me how exciting her class was, I told her how I didn't pay attention to Monsieur Gagne all day, and how I missed her. She said she really liked her new class, I said I didn't really like the 2 guys sitting at my desk cluster, and we were seated alphabetically. She was happy. I missed my best friend.
And then the day of reckoning came: she didn't sit with me on the bus in the morning. I couldn't find her at morning recess. She wasn't playing outside at lunch, she was eating in her classroom, a place I wasn't allowed. On the bus she sat alone, I took my spot next to her, eager to talk her ear off about my day and winning a spelling contest. She ignored me, starring out the window. I thought it was weird, but my 3rd grade brain went with it, what could be wrong? We're best-friends-forever. When we got to our bus stop, she pushed past me and down the bus stairs. Then; she ran. She ran hard and fast. She ran away from me. I still don't understand...
This continued, everyday for what felt like forever to 3rd grade me. Somedays I would yell after her- screaming her name- yelling that I didn't care if she ran away from me. "I don't care!!!", but really I did care. It was the worst part of my day. I knew she would run, and she always did. Somedays I would run after her. Somedays I would just cry. I never understood what the running was about. I now think it had to do with all this talking...I can see why somebody would run away. Our friendship ended, though not without me trying to turn her back into my Bestie with gifts, and phone calls (she would hang up on me) and I would stroll by her house casually...a lot. Waiting for her to remember all the fun we had sledding and getting into trouble for switching our clothes and trips together during summer vacation.
Friendship can often be a tricky and unstable slope- awaiting a holler to trigger an avalanche of emotions. Being a grown-up and dealing with actual problems, I wish I could run back to my worst Grade 3 day and just enjoy it. But no matter how fast you run, you can't outrun your past and the decisions you make can greatly effect the people you've decided on. Even the worst days I had as a child aren't so bad in hindsight but I'm definitely glad my friends don't run away from me any more. Well, most of them.
RSS Feed